LOVE -- Jaeson Ma

this is the video Choi Siwon posted on his homepage...
i juz cant help but love this man more and more~~
this is a good one...
i gotta learn to love others selflessly, and unreservedly...
as how God had loved me...

100th post on my BIG day ^.^

well~~whenever i'm lost...
i feel down...
i feel devastated...
Bible is forever the spiritual support i can hold on to...
the words of God reli guide me through everything~~
til yesterday, i'm still thoroughly worn off bcoz of my presentation...
however...God speaks to me, through the preaches of His shepherd~~
what Senior Pastor had said today,
all went straight into my heart...

yea~~i should 看开点~~
at least i noe i gave my best~~
even though my best may not hit the par set by the queens...
but...tat's already my best~~
and i should have no regrets then~~
rather, i shall be proud of myself for offering all i have...
no one is perfect...
i cannot expect myself to alwiz do a perfect job~~
there are alwiz rooms for improvements still~~
being a perfectionist in the things i care the most reli exerts lotsa pressure on myself~~
literally, i'm suffocating myself~~
slowly killing myself with my own ego~~
and...i should let go by now~~

God say love our enemy~~
she's not my enemy in the 1st place anyway~~
she's juz an angel sent by God to push me through the path of growth~~
she's here to make sure that i do all the things right,
and do all the right things~~
she's here to mould me into the person God wants me to be~~
i shall get ready for more challenges to come~~
a big hit on the face wont knock me down~~
i'm much tougher than tis~~
i'm a tough baby since the day i was born~~
i should not have came to this world,
but i make it thus far~~
what's more to fear of???

a good sermon on my big day,
marks the important milestone in my life^^
23 years in this wonderful world of God's creation~~
it's time for me to shine~~
U GO GIRL!!!

废 | 悲 | 累

不出所料……
昨天对上了那两位女皇，我真的败下阵来了……
面对着两位女巨人，我真的没辙……
我说了~~
我只是个头脑简单的小家伙，
没有他们那么大的能耐……
是我自己没有用……
在她们面前，我连侏儒都不如~~
一连串的连环炮，我根本应对不了~~
我自己究竟答对答错，我都不知道了~~
只知道她们越是问下去，我越是想哭了……
我也不想紧张~~
从小到大上过这么多次台，我从来都很少怯场的……
stage fright从来都没来找过我~~
但是这一次，真的不一样……或许因为我太在乎了……
两位女皇一出场，那个气势和气场就是不一样了……
让人feel intimidated and terrified!!! totally~~
总的一句……是自己窝囊了……废……
什么都不知道，什么都不会，没有用到死……嗤！！
一下场就哭个不停……完全止不住……
自己也不懂为什么……哭什么……
或许，压抑坏了……
累坏了……
憋坏了……
心，痛死了……
看到自己一直以来的每一滴汗每一滴血每一颗心，
遭人践踏的好像一文不值了，让人笑话……
as though all the sleepless nights and hardworks are worthless~~
仿佛在讽刺的跟我说：babe, u're worth nothing!!!

下午看到其他几位的表现……
心，就更痛了……
他们的问题极其简单……
他们面对的教授，到底是个比较亲切随和的人~~
虽然他们都不会回答，但是坐在后面的我，真的很悲愤……
为什么这么不公平~~
为什么我会遇上了处处刁难我的女皇……
妈妈说了，这世上没有公平的事……
或许这次的diasaster is a blessing in disguise~~
这个道理我懂……
上帝不可能put me through all this without a purpose~~
只是……心，还是会有点不甘……
从论文的最初选题一开始，没有一样是如我意的~~
或许这一切，都是上帝的赐福~~
我自己选择的，都不是正确我应该走的路~~
i'm on the right path where God wants me to go~~
and He is leading me right ahead~~
maybe someday when i look back,
i'll b able to see the whole picture~~
but, not now...it's still too harsh for me rite now....
这条路真的太崎岖坎坷了~~
把人折磨的好累好累……身心俱疲……
父啊，让我稍息一会儿，我们再出发，好吗？？
握着你的手，我知道我一定可以重新振作的~~
只是，我想要先窝在你怀里休息一会儿……
就这个假期，什么都不想去想……

命~~~苦~~~呀~~~

为什么我这么命苦~~~
我很高兴我毕业论文的supervisor是Dr ivy^^
因为她人很好又漂亮~~
教会了我很多东西~~
对于经常处于blur blur状态的我一直都很有耐心~~
但是我也知道我的科系里，
众多教授中最难搞的就是她~~
因为她要求很多且很高~~
真的要努力才能够达标~~
每个朋友都很怕拿到她当examiner~~
所以一直以来我都大无畏~~
反正最难搞的那个已经是我的supervisor，
已经没有什么好怕的了~~
怎知。。。真是一山还有一山高。。。
万万没想到。。。
我居然拿到了全sst堪称数一数二难搞的教授~~
DR HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
于我而言，我学校里最厉害的两位教授就是她们俩了~~
经常拿到很高额的grant不说，
两位都是很厉害的女强人~~
办事能力一流，脑袋也是一等一的~~

唉……我只是个头脑简单，想顺利毕业的小家伙……
我……没有她们这么大的能耐……
我知道上帝在考验我……
经过这次的试探之后，我会变得更强大……
她们是上帝派来锻炼我，
一面对未来更巨大的挑战的……
但是……小小一个我……
遇上了两位女巨人……
我……还是会惧怕……
我……真的欲哭无泪……
我……论文之路真是何其坎坷……
我……真的只想要安安分分的毕业呀 T.T
呜呜呜呜呜呜呜呜~~~

外貌协会~~

曾经。。。我对于那些外貌协会的会员有多么的不齿~~~
但是近来，慢慢分析自己看男人的心态以后。。。
发觉原来自己也算是其中一员~~~
与其说光看脸蛋儿，还不如说我是看整体外表~~~
我深信，一个人就算长的不好看，也没有关系的。。。
现在的服饰装备那么丰富，不管是哪一个部分稍嫌不足都有办法掩饰的~~~
比如说眼睛不好看的话，合适形状的平光镜可以解决~~~
只要肯在自身的打扮上花点心思，人人都可以变得很好看！！！
所以呢~~我的择偶条件绝不是想找个帅哥~~~
太帅的，靠不住~~~难。。。
反而真的是看得顺眼就好~~~
只要是看得顺眼的，就有被改造的潜质！！！

这点我妈也绝对会认同！！！
咔咔咔咔咔~~想当初我老爸穿衣服应该也是没什么sense的~~~
其实到了现在还是~~~
不过他的一个老婆一个女儿一个儿子，
在每次出门前都会检视他的打扮~~~
太乱七八糟的话，他绝对不被允许踏出家门！！！
咔咔咔咔咔咔咔咔咔咔咔咔~~~

近来老妈整天在我耳边唠叨~~~
“ah girl啊~~快点找个男朋友回来啦~~我要抱孙~~不用找帅的啦~~难找呀~~随便找一个可以看的就好~~带回来反正都可以改造的~~也不用太有钱的，只要肯上进肯努力工作就好~~”
但是~~好男人真的这么容易找吗？？？
说找就找得到吗？？？
我看。。。很难吧。。。
啊不然我也不用等了快23年都sell不出去了~~~
呵呵~~~

就酱。

忙里偷闲

最近的日子。。。
是忙了点，很多事情要做。。。，
功课一摞摞，堆积起来要一并做完真是要人命~~~
拖字诀不断被派上用场~~~
唉。。。
虽说是假日，但感觉上根本就不能够安详过日子。。。
每天脑海里不断浮现出dateline的影子~~~
但就是提不起劲儿来做~~~
慵懒的生活也挺写意的。。。

忙碌扰攘的日子里，
因为有了身边人的爱，
而变得不会烦躁~~~
感谢上帝，让我在爱中成长~~~
让我学会珍惜所有爱我的人~~~
所有的好姐妹好兄弟们，谢谢你们！！！
谢谢你们的爱，谢谢你们的陪伴^_^
更重要的，爸爸妈妈弟弟，我爱你们！！！
谢谢你们让我在充满爱的环境下成长~~~
谢谢你们一直那么宠溺我~~~
我们虽然不富裕。。。
但是我们的心灵上却很充实、很喜乐！！！

啊~~~充满爱的世界，何其的美好呀 o(∩_∩)o
生命，值得精彩、值得灿烂！！！

박재범 정말 보고싶었어

刚看了韩流演唱会。。。
宰范最后的舞台。。。
看着在台上卖力演出的他。。。不知不觉潸然泪下。。。
就因为那些手指杀人犯！！！
就因为那些每天无所事事窝在家里以伤害别人来取乐的人！！！
这些冷血无情残酷卑鄙的家伙！！！
我严重鄙视你们！！！
就像吸血鬼一样，依赖他人的性命来维生。。。
别人的一切付出和牺牲在他们眼里都只不过是笑话和闹剧。。。
只懂得一味的批判他人，
却从来不曾站在别人的立场上设想过。。。
当初宰范所经历过的一切，
岂是你们这种家伙熬得过来的？？？
你们这些在暗处举着弓箭蓄势待发的阴险家伙！！！
看着你们的猎物像刺猬一样带着满身的➹你们才会心凉吗？？？

宰范呀……相信上帝吧！！！
他一定会一路与你同在的……
我知道你现在连教会都没有勇气去了……
你没有勇气以“叛国者”的名义去会见所有的乡亲父老……
总有一天吧……总有一天，圣灵会带给你满满的感动的~~~
撒旦是战不胜上帝的！！！这点你也知道……
总有一天，那些弟兄姐妹们都会敞开胸怀以宽容的心来接受你的……
那时候，一定要带着满满的勇气和笑容来面对所有爱你的人~~~
别忘了……我们都在等待着你的归来！！！
别把弟弟们晾在一边太久了……
树倒猢狲散……失去了他们的领袖，弟弟们也都不好受……

박재범 돌아오세요
정말 보고싶었어~~

Replenished==Praise the Lord!!!

well...due to overspending on the 1st two mths bac here...
tis mth i was declared totally broke!!!
u seldom see me in cafes, or any sort of mall activities~~

yea~~remember i wrote a post about how God helped me to get bac my money last sem??? it was when i was out for a movie,and at tat particular time i was almost in the same broke condition...yet suddenly i found a RM50 note inside my pocket~~which i nearly threw it away as garbage...tat time when i discovered that piece of money, the feeling was totally amazed and i praise the Lord for His works!!! in times of need, He alwiz answers my prayer...thank you Lord for being the faithful one all the way long~~

bac to my story now...
well, tis mth, i was thinking, there's no way God could help me anymore~~i checked all my pockets T.T no money found~~and i think of ways that how money could flow in~~yet...i concluded that, tis time, even God could not help me...there is no way money could appear out of nowhere~~this is not how God works...unless i confess to my mum that i'm totally broke, there's no way out for tis mth...i have to bare with it...anyhow, thanks to my mum, i still have a credit card which enables me to shop in Giant for all my groceries and thus i bought dozens of canned food or those that could be easily cooked at home...it's almost as if i'm gonna be grounded for one whole mth...and yet, out of nowhere, the miracle happened today!!! i was totally mesmerized!!!

2mths ago, that time when i was still a bit loaded, i bought a pair of shoes and a photobook costing me over hundred bucks each...i was so frustrated with the service of that particular web shopping site, bcoz 2mths after i placed my order, only i finally manage to receive my photobook last week...yet there's still no news bout the shoes...so got reli pissed off, and so i dealed with one of the person in charge tis evening...this is when the miracle begins~~the shoes had actually arrived earlier on...yet, for certain unknown reason, they lost it...i dun blame them on that reli...but tis is a real weird case...u see, ppl dun juz lost sumthing like tat...and so, the person in charge asked me whether i wan a refund or wait for re-order...i told her re-order as tis website do not allow cash refund...but tis gal told me that, for my case, they allow cash refund!!!i was going like tis 0.0 totally shocked!!! based on my current financial status, i told her directly...yea, thank you very much, i wan the full refund...and so, suddenly, without prior traces, my money came back to me!!!

this really left me speechless for a moment...after that i thoroughly understand that there's no such thing as no way for God...God is God because He is the Almighty, i'm juz a tiny human being and i could not foresee His big plans...this is how God do miracles!!! in ways that we could feel His love, but could never predict...i'd experienced way too many miracles in my life, that i could not love Him enough to pay Him back...even tiny little things that happen everyday are miracles and blessings from God...He blesses me abundantly...i have more than enough in my life...that i could never praise Him enough~~

Thank you Lord for everything U had given me, that U had done for me...i'm a sinner yet i'm still Ur daughter, forever and ever more...thanks for never giving up on me, thanks for being faithful all along, thanks for alwiz being there for me, thanks for giving me such a great and wonderful life, thanks for giving me joy everyday, thanks for being such a good companion, thanks for loving me wholeheartedly...

THANK YOU LORD SO SO SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING!!!
IN JESUS NAME,
AMEN.

海云台/Haewundae /해운대 /Tsunami

8月头去1B看电影的时候，就看到了《海云台》的广告站牌~~
那时候就跟家恩说等上映了一定要去看。。。
毕竟在马来西亚上映的韩国电影并不多。。。
况且题材是我喜欢的灾难片。。。
而且出演的都是韩国的一线演员。。。

怎知，在等待的当儿，才收到了韩国的消息。。。
原来，这部电影在韩国是近来的大热话题。。。
截至9月6日为止，总票房已经达到了1千108万3千。。。
在韩国历来的电影榜上面超越了《实尾岛》排名第四。。。
接下来大家关注的是到底会不会胜过排在第三的《太极旗飘扬》。。。

最近上网看到这部戏已经出了翻译版。。。
经不住诱惑之下，就先下来看看了。。。
这部作品我真的很喜欢。。。
在历年来的亚洲灾难片之中，这部隶属佳品。。。
跟好莱坞的灾难片不同。。。没有什么逞英雄的画面。。。
反而多了一份温馨和深深的感动。。。

故事以小市民的欢笑与血泪为观点。。。
说明了平民在面对灾难时的爱恨情仇。。。
前半部以轻松搞笑的方式来叙述釜山海云台小市民的平凡生活。。。
后半部则是描写了当灾难来临时，这些小市民们要如何面对。。。
鸟之将死，其鸣也哀；人之将死，其言也善。。。
在死亡的面前，人人平等，所有人都回到了一张白纸。。。

前半部我一面看一面狂笑~~
后半部我一面看一面嚎哭~~
下个星期这部电影就会在本地上映了！！！
无论如何我都会去支持的~~
希望戏院里的人不要被我吓死就好~~呵呵。。。

河智苑、薛景求、严正花、李民基等的精湛演技为这部电影画龙点睛。。。
绝对是韩国的年度重点电影。。。
下个星期到戏院去捧场，大银幕+效果好的音响，应该会为这部电影增色不少 o(∩_∩)o

低潮期。。。

很彷徨，也很矛盾。。。
模糊了视线。。。
我真的不知道自己要的是什么。。。
我知道东西一定要有付出才有收获。。。
我真的有尽力了。。。
也一直都保持着平稳的进步。。。
为什么就是得不到一点安慰。。。

很伤，也很累。。。
难道努力都是白费的吗。。。
非得要赢了全世界那才算得上是成就吗。。。
非得要把自己逼到了死角吗。。。

很乱，也很迷惘。。。
什么都不想再去想。。。
惆怅却不断在脑海盘旋。。。
就算一切重来，我还是会这么做。。。
我的人生从来没有后悔这两个字。。。
却败给了执着这两个字。。。

算了。。。
吴优韵，再加油吧！！！
你知道自己究竟有多大的能力。。。
也知道什么会让你跌得最伤。。。

擦擦伤口，拍拍胸口，再接再厉吧！！！
一定可以胜过今天的！！！