你不在

曾经一段时间超爱这首歌~~
现在听起来，却仿佛有了另一种意境~~
感觉有些许部分，就像自己的心情写照~~


单身的时候我很喜欢独处，拥有自己平静的自我省思空间~~
但是天生缺乏安全感~~~
所以恋爱中我很害怕一个人~~
我太了解自己的坏习惯……
只要我一静下来，脑袋就会不听使唤的把思绪带到一个难以预知的灰色地带~~


下个星期一是难得的公共假期~~
难得三天连休，室友姐姐也会回家乡去~~
也意味着房间只有我独自占有，原本打算整个周末好好陪陪我比鼻~~
因为我们好久都没好好聊天了~~
但是昨晚才发现原来他之前报名的营会就在这个周末~~*晴天霹雳*
突然不知道我该何去何从~~
我这个周末到底该干嘛~~
一个人在房间里耗上三天的话，我不敢想象出来的结果会是什么~~
毕竟一直以来脑子里本就有很多负面想法在潜伏着~~


昨天室友姐姐突然问了我个问题~
“yy啊~你不是说有男友吗？怎么经常只看到你和朋友们出去玩~没听说过你跟男友约会去~？”
一听这问题我就直接趴在床上耍赖了~~
“偶腻~~伦家也想跟男友出去约会啊 T-T”
上一次白色情人节~看着秀研姐姐的男友再迟也特地开车过来和她一起庆祝~
我多希望我比鼻也可以在这里和我一起过~~
上一次跟着金彦和诗妍出外用餐逛街~看着这小两口斗嘴，看着诗妍75金彦~我也好羡慕 T-T


远距离嘛……就是
不管开心、伤心、累了、倦了、快乐、难过……也都只能由自己转述给对方知道~~
不管病得多么痛苦多么辛苦……也都只能自己好好看顾照料自己~~
不管多么想念多想见面……也都只能对着一部机器诉说~~
不管多么想要用一个拥抱换来安抚……也都只能抱着空气得到虚无~~
不管多么希望对方下一秒就出现在自己面前……也都只能告诉自己别傻了~~
不管多么的想要一个肩膀依靠……也都只能鼓励自己要独立~~
不管多么歇斯底里的哭泣……也都只能待心情平伏了再自己擦干泪水~~


坚持的勇气和毅力还剩下多少……还可以撑多久……我不知道……
但愿是很多很多，很久很久……

Belated 100th days

One week ago we embraced our 100th day being together~
it's a big day for Koreans, in everything the 100th days are celebrated~~
i had alwiz been thankful that i have him with me~
through all the sufferings i'm enduring~
and also through all the good times we're sharing~~
it's the longest relationship i had been in...for the moment...
and also he's the one i would like to spend my life with~~
however....
i guess i'm back to moodswing recently due to too much stress and too many matters to be taken care of~~
i started to think a lot, and started to being doubtful all over again...
i lost my confidence in us, or more, i lost the belief i had in me....
the negative thoughts are eating up all the spaces in my head....
and i even started to doubt how far more we can go~~
in the end, i just released all of my frustrations on him...
pity him...for being the victim of my unknown dilemmas...
and all he can do is keep apologizing, for something that's not even his fault...
i'm not a good girlfriend...i admit...
i know i bullied him a lot...
i should treat him better instead...
i'll learn to control myself more...
but at the moment, the stress on my shoulder is taking its toll on my spiritual and mental strength...
oh God...please help me...
bless me with wisdom and strength...to get over all the problems i'm facing now...
hope everything will turn out just right....

anyway...
Happy (belated) 100th Days baby~♥
and i'm sorry for treating u bad...

3rd Monthsary =)

不知不觉，在一起满三个月了~

虽然在这当中，只有1个星期的时间是真正在一起的……

但是你说过，无论何时，你都在我心里陪着我 =)

再熬过5个月，就可以紧紧的抱着你了~

这段时间以来，谢谢你的耐性和包容~

我不乖，爱捣蛋爱耍赖，总是爱气一气你~

但你从来都不会对我发脾气，哪怕只是那么一丁点儿都没有~~

虽然我常常嚷着要换bb~但是你知道那不是真的……

再给我个高帅富我也只要我的bb~~

上个月小小的抱怨了一下下……

结果这个月居然给了我个大惊喜 T^T

 死家伙，害我边哭边笑的把视频看完 >_<

又感动又开心的~~

倒数着100日和10月的到来~~

比鼻~~爱你哟~~